Carnations and Lilies
by BAYBAY841
Summary: 'Wrong… this is wrong… so wrong…' was all he could think right now. France was now only holding Romano's wrists with one hand, the other was unbuttoning the his shirt. Romano has been raped by France. It's up to Spain to help Romano heal.
1. Chapter 1

Carnations and Lilies

Disclaimer: If Hetalia was mine I wouldn't be writing fan fiction now would I?

WARNING: FRUMANO RAPE. SpAmano lemon later on. Angst. France bashing. Mentions of USUK and GerIta.

Okay, so this is my first lemon and rape so please help me out here if I messed up or if it feels rushed. Thank you!

'_That damn bastard!' _Romano thought to himself. He hated when Spain left without him. Even if it was just to hang out with his friends. But he said he was only hanging out with Prussia today, wonder where France was… oh well who cares as long as he doesn't come anywhere near this house! He didn't even know why Spain was friends with those two. Prussia was an egotistical douche not only that but he was related to the potato bastard Feliciano worshipped. France was a fucking perv, and a pedophile! If Spain weren't so dense he would realize his so called _friends _were total dicks! And maybe if Spain weren't so dense he would see that Romano wanted the Spaniard to stay home and spend time with him! Maybe that's how it was always going to be though… God knows Romano would never give the guy a hint, Antonio spoiled the Italian and even though try as Romano may he could never shake the guy. Spain clung to him constantly and had no idea of what an effect he had on Romano.

Though obviously Romano hadn't fallen for his caretaker immediately, in fact it all started when he hit puberty. At first Romano thought it to be a mere infatuation, something that would fade over time. But it didn't fade… it grew stronger with every passing year, and even after he and his brother joined countries Romano chose to stay living with Spain for the most part. Of course he still had to own a house in Italy. He couldn't ignore his people even if there was another person to represent their country. Spain seemed to understand him, or at least try to which is more than what anyone else could say. Romano had always pushed people away, ever since he was a child. Way before Spain came into the picture. Maybe it was because no matter what people always seemed to prefer his brother more than him. Even their Grandpa Rome. Eventually Romano expected to be hurt and turned away from people. Those who tried to get close got head butted and called harsh words. But when he did that to Antonio he tried even harder to break down Romano's thick walls. And though Romano would never admit it, he respected the man for it…

Romano had fallen asleep on the couch dreaming of tomatoes and his favorite Spaniard who harvested them when a ring of the doorbell interrupted his sleep. He reluctantly got up from his 3 o' clock siesta and looked at his watch. Great it was only 4, he only got 1 hour. He stomped to the door and swung it open about to cuss out who ever was there. It was France. Well that made him want to cuss out the French bastard even more!

"Ah, hello adorable Romano, is Spain home?" France asked.

"No, bastard, he's at Prussia's." Romano spat.

"Oh? Well I got a text telling me I can come over, so I'll just wait for him to get here." France smiled and walked past Romano inside.

"Damn tomato bastard…" the Italian muttered under his breath. France went into the kitchen and Romano went up to his room. He didn't want to be anywhere near the perverted French bastard. He lied down on his bed, he knew he shouldn't be sleeping with France in the house but since his nap got interrupted he was still tired. He felt his eye lids droop shut as he fell asleep.

The sound of a _CRASH_ woke Romano up. He shot up from the bed and was on full alert. He grabbed a bat he kept in the closet just incase of situations like this and went downstairs where the noise came from. He went into the living room to see a vase that had had red and yellow carnations in it now broken on the floor. Spain won't be happy. But he couldn't worry about that right now, he had to see if France were still here and if he was he was about to wish he wasn't. He was about to step forward when-

"CHIGI!" Romano squeaked when a pair of hands grabbed him and threw him to the ground. He lost his grip on the bat and it went flying to the other side of the room. "What the hell?" Romano yelled and opened his eyes to see France on top of him straddling him, with nothing- I repeat- nothing on. "FRANCE WHAT THE FUCK?" the dark brunette shouted at the blonde.

"Haha.. Found you little Roma… where have you been hiding ma chère?" France slurred. Romano could smell the alcohol on his breath, he must've been bored and gotten into Spain's wine.

"Get off of me bastard!" Romano yelled.

"Ohonhonhon… when I have you right where I want you? Why would I do that? Spain is gone and now there is no one here to stop me from loving you."

"I don't want you to _love _me!" Romano countered.

"Ah, but Romano we all have urges we need to fulfill… don't worry, I don't love you it's just sex… just close your eyes and let me have my fun..." France whispered in Romano's ear and then proceeded to lick it. Romano cringed. Wrong. It was so wrong! He wanted the first time to be with someone he loved! He wanted it to be with Spain! Not that he'd ever admit it…

"No you bastard! Get the fuck off of me!" Romano yelled getting slightly worried now.

"Oh? Playing hard to get are we? That's fine. I'll just take you by force!" with that France slammed his lips down on Romano's.

Romano wouldn't react to the kiss and was trying to shove France off of him. France grabbed his arms by the wrist and held them above his head then bit Romano's lip hard enough to where he could taste blood. Romano gasped from the pain and France shoved his tongue in the Italian's mouth exploring it. Romano could feel tears in his eyes. _'Wrong… this is wrong… so wrong…' _was all he could think right now. France was now only holding Romano's wrists with one hand, the other was unbuttoning the his shirt. Romano jerked his head away from France's lips. "No! Stop you bastard!" he shouted frantically but France finished unbuttoning his shirt and had latched his mouth on Romano's right nipple.

"_Aah! _Stop damn it!" he whined as France bit and licked his nipple, then began giving the left the same treatment. His hand that he wasn't using to hold Romano's arms he brushed up and down Romano's lower stomach casually dipping his fingers into the hem of the pants. _'Spain, where are you damn it? Come save me…' _Romano thought to himself as he felt a tear begin to slip down his cheek. Spain was suppose to protect him, why wasn't he here now?

Francis shoved his hand down Romano's pants and palmed the Italian's member. Romano should've worn boxers. France squeezed it to make it hard, Romano moaned unintentionally. It felt good, he hated himself.

"France, please…" Romano whispered as more tears went down his cheek.

"Honhonhon… begging are we?" France smirked.

"Please stop…!" Romano cried. But his protests were ignored when France yanked Romano's pants down leaving him completely exposed. France licked his lips as he looked down upon the brunette. Romano felt nauseous under that gaze. He knew he couldn't run, France sadly was stronger than him. He knew he wouldn't get far if he tried to run, he felt more warm tears run down his face as France stuck a finger inside his entrance. Romano cringed, it wasn't enjoyable at all, it was fucking painful and he couldn't even have the joy of having his love doing this to him. How would he even face Spain after this? Why did France have to go after Romano of all people? Did God hate him?

France added a second finger, Romano gasped in pain. '_Spain… where are you?' _his mind cried out. France started scissoring him. He couldn't scream, he just couldn't. He felt like he couldn't give France that satisfaction. But he wanted to, scream out in pain, fear, agony, grief, and hatred. If Spain did know what was happening would he even care?

'_Spain…' _his mind whispered as France pulled his fingers out and positioned himself.

"Are you ready Romano?" France asked smiling. Romano could only give a choked cry in response.

'_Please forgive me…'_

France plunged into Romano's entrance. He screamed in agony as France started thrusting.

"Ah, you're a virgin… so tight…" France giggled to himself. Romano could feel something warm run down his thigh. He tried so hard not to scream, not to show weakness, but he broke. He was broken. The pain, was excruciating. But the thought of France being the first one to do this hurt even more. His entrance was burning with this pain. He felt even more tears stream down his face. He barely heard France cry out but he felt the release inside him. Dirty, he felt dirty.

He heard a door close.

"Roma!~ I'm home!~ And I brought food-" Spain stopped, looking at the scene in front of him. France inside Romano, HIS Romano, and his Romano eyes red from crying, tears still going down his face, blood running down his leg.

Rape.

"France… what the fuck are you doing…?" Spain growled dropping the food he had brought for Romano. He quickly started crossing the room to France. Romano felt France pull out.

"Ah, Antonio it isn't what it looks like!" France said standing up.

"It isn't?" Spain said picking up the bat. "You're trying to lie to me? Get the fuck out of my house."

"Antonio, I-"

"GET! OUT!" Spain swung the bat nearly hitting France but he dodged and ran out of the house. Spain immediately dropped the bat and ran to Romano.

"Romano…" Spain said wrapping his arms around him. Romano couldn't stop himself, he grabbed a hand full of Spain's shirt and bawled into his shoulder. He felt Spain tighten his hold pulling Romano closer to him. Spain felt tears in his eyes as well. He wanted to say it was going to be okay, but he knew it wouldn't be okay. Not for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

"Romano…" Spain said wrapping his arms around him. Romano couldn't stop himself, he grabbed a hand full of Spain's shirt and bawled into his shoulder. He felt Spain tighten his hold pulling Romano closer to him. Spain felt tears in his eyes as well. He wanted to say it was going to be okay, but he knew it wouldn't be okay. Not for a long time.

Spain picked up the Italian still clutching his shirt and carried him up stairs to his bed. Romano would be sleeping with him tonight. Spain set him down on the bed and started unbuttoning his shirt. Romano noticing Spain undressing started shaking, eyes wide with fear.

"N-No! Please, Spain I-I'm sorry! I-!"

"Romano! Shh… it's okay…" Spain whispered wiping the tears that were falling from Romano's eyes away. "I'm not going to hurt you…"

Spain slipped his shirt off and put it over Romano's shoulders. Romano flinched as the shirt touched his skin, but then realized Spain really wasn't going to hurt him. He looked at the older one questioningly.

"I'll get you a pair of boxers from your room…" Spain turned to leave.

"N-NO! Don't leave me!" Romano cried. Spain quickly turned around and looked at the younger. He looked like he was about to cry again. Spain's already pained heart was hurting even more… _'Damn you France…'_ Spain thought to himself.

"Okay… I'll get you a pair of mine." Spain turned to his dresser and pulled open top drawer. Romano started whimpering, afraid France would somehow come from the shadows and take him while Spain wasn't looking…

Spain turned around and handed Romano a pair of boxers with tomatoes on them. Romano quickly slid them on, shivering when Spain turned his back to him. Even if it was to give him privacy, despite the fact Spain had now seen him naked anyways. But that was Spain for you. Even though he was usually dense, he always shows how much he cares by little acts.

"Are you dressed?" Spain asked.

"Y-yeah…" Spain turned around, slipped off his pants, sat on the bed in front of Romano, and just looked deeply into his eyes. This was unnerving to say the least…

"W-what…?" Romano asked, fear evident in his voice. All of a sudden Spain pulled Romano to him wrapping his arms around the younger. The Italian flinched his body stiffening.

"Romano…" Spain whispered. Tightening his arms around him, afraid he would somehow be torn from his grasp. "I'm so sorry…"

"S-Sorry…? Sorry for what you idiot…? Damn it… why do you always have to take the blame for my mistakes? You bastard!" Romano started breaking down again.

Spain could feel his damp face against his bare shoulder, the shaking form in his arms. But Spain knew it was his fault, he shouldn't have left Romano at home by himself, he shouldn't have told France it was okay to come over, and he should've told Romano about France coming over then he would've locked the doors and refused to answer to his blonde ex-bad friend. Spain usually would've laughed at the thought of Romano locking France out of the house, but right now he wished with every fiber of his being that that had happened.

Romano cried for almost two hours until his hiccupping quieted, Spain knew he had fallen asleep. He laid down, Romano still in his arms and threw the covers over them. Oh how he wanted to kill France. But he couldn't do that unless he started a war, and sadly Spain was still too poor for that… He couldn't have France arrested… you can't arrest a country…

He felt arms slip around his waist. He looked down at Romano, his face was relaxed. Good, at least he was having a peaceful sleep. He heard the boy mumble something. He had to strain to hear.

"Antonio…" Romano murmured in his sleep. Spain felt his heart swell. Romano was dreaming about him. He pulled the Italian closer and kissed his forehead.

"I won't let anything happen to you again me amor…" Spain whispered into Romano's ear and drifted off to sleep.

It was about 4 AM when Romano began thrashing in his sleep.

It was a knee to the stomach that woke Spain up, he quickly sat up and grabbed Romano by the shoulders.

"Roma! Wake up! Its just a nightmare!" Romano's eyes shot open, he was shaking again, his eyes watery.

"J-Just a nightmare…?" he asked.

"Yes Romano, it was just a nightmare…" Spain whispered.

"But, how can it be a nightmare, when it really happened…?" Romano whispered back tears beginning to slip down his face. Spain went stiff. He wanted to cry as well, he wanted to bawl. But he had to stay strong for his Romano. His Romano couldn't know how much Spain wanted to mourn for his little tomato.

When Romano was a child he always said France was a creeper and a pervert. Spain did notice how perverted France was but always thought his friend was just joking. He should've listened to Romano… France and Prussia knew how Spain felt about South Italy. It was a gradual change from seeing Romano as his son, to adoptive brother, to secret crush, to secretly falling in love. It was like England and America's relationship. He didn't like England but he did understand how the island felt. The thing is about their relationship is that America felt the same way, it was obvious. The moment he left England it started.

But Romano didn't feel the same way about Spain.

Romano pushed him away just like everyone else. Although Spain never gave up. He wanted so badly to understand why Romano was hurting, why he refused to let anyone in. But Spain over time realized that Romano had always felt inferior to his little brother Feliciano.

What Romano didn't realize was he would always be number one to Spain. Not Feliciano.

"I'm here for you Romano, and I always will be." Spain whispered into Romano's ear. Romano was hiccupping from crying again but he looked into Spain's eyes searching to see if he was just saying this to make him feel better. Spain wanted so badly to kiss his fears away, but now wasn't the time. Romano was going through too much trauma, and a kiss might add to his problems. Romano realizing it wasn't a joke lifted a corner of his lip in an attempt to smile only to have it drop. Instead he just buried his head in Antonio's neck and finished crying.

"G-Grazie, Spain…" Spain just wasn't use to not being called "Tomato bastard" or just plain "Bastard". Hearing Romano call him Spain or earlier calling him Antonio in his sleep was just shocking. But it felt amazing to be called that nonetheless. Spain lied down with South Italy the younger facing him as the older held him tight like he had when they first tried to fall asleep, resting his chin on the top of the younger's head. Romano had fallen asleep again and would hopefully stay asleep this time.

Thankfully, when Spain woke up Romano was still sleeping peacefully in his arms. He didn't want to wake the boy so he just laid there and looked at his relaxed face. His little Romano… he still had tear stains on his cheeks. Spain's heart ached. He wanted to erase yesterday from existence. But he knew he couldn't, what's done is done. All he can do is help Romano over come this. He'll stick by his little tomatoes' side for as long as it took, even if it took forever (which truthfully he wouldn't mind sticking by Romano's side for forever). But he wanted it to be under different circumstances.

He wasn't sure when exactly he had fallen in love with Romano. He knew it was after the boy turned 17. He wasn't a pedophile, no matter what Prussia said. He pulled Romano closer to him in the thought of waking up like this every morning except them sleeping together was for a different reason, a much happier reason. Sadly, this woke the younger up. His golden eyes shot open and he looked like he was in fight or flight mode until he realized he was in Spain's bed with the owner of the bed's arms around him as some kind of barrier to the outside world. Spain felt him relax.

"Morning…" Spain said, intentionally leaving the "good" out of "good morning". But Romano remained quiet. Spain decided to break the silence again.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. Romano shook his head no. No? Romano isn't hungry? Now Spain was even more worried, and with everything that had been going on he didn't think it was possible for him.

"Roma, you need to eat…"

"I'm not hungry…" a raspy voice replied.

"I'm getting you food Roma." Spain said and started to get up.

"N-NO! Don't leave me you bastard!" Romano yelled. Spain got up but picked up Romano and started carrying him out of the room.

"Let me go bastard!" Romano shouted and tried to wrangle himself out of Spain's arms but then pain shot up his spine. His mind only put together two words.

Pain and rape.

He started screaming and thrashing around, Spain lost his grip on him and he fell to the floor, causing him more pain. Romano got in the fetal position, shaking. Spain quickly tried to put his arms around him.

"Don't touch me!" Romano cried.

"Roma, I'm not going to hurt you, I promise…" Spain whispered. Romano didn't respond. Spain sat down next to Romano, moving the hair out of the boys face as he began to cry again. As long as Spain had known him, he had never seen Romano cry before. He looked away from the boy as he let a few of his own tears slide down his face. He wiped them away before Romano could see. When Romano had calmed down Spain picked him up and carried him to the kitchen. Romano didn't say a word but he didn't thrash around either so it was fine.

After eating breakfast, well Spain ate breakfast. Romano just sat there quietly not even touching his food. Not even the tomatoes. He was still shaking slightly.

"Romano?" Spain started, noticing the boy jumped slightly. "Do you want to take a shower?" Romano's eyes went wide, he started shaking even more.

"I'll wait outside the bathroom door?" Spain tried, he knew Romano would be untrusting even towards him. But he also didn't want to be alone. This would be a good compromise for the boy. Romano nodded his head once in a silent agreement. Spain stood up and picked up the Italian again carrying him upstairs to the bathroom attached to Spain's bedroom. He let Romano sit on the edge of the bath that was also a shower.

"Remember, I'll be this door if you need me," Spain said pointing to the opening. "All you need to do is call for me." Receiving a nod from the younger he left the room.

Romano stepped out of the shower, pain going up his spine with every step. He grabbed the towel, dried off, and proceeded to wrap it around his waste. He was about to open the door and exit the bathroom when he looked at himself in the mirror.

'Dirty… Disgusting…' Romano thought to himself. _'You dirty whore… How could you let France do that to you? How could you…?'_

Romano's eyes started to water, then something shiny caught his eye.

His razor blade.

Spain sat waiting patiently for Romano to finish his shower. He had heard the water turn off about 5 minutes ago. It didn't take this long for someone to dry off right? Plus, Romano hadn't brought in clean clothes to change into, so what was he doing? He went up to the door and knocked on it.

"Roma? You okay in there?" No response. Spain started to get very worried. "Romano?" Still nothing. He waited a couple of seconds longer. "Romano, I'm coming in!" Luckily there wasn't a lock on the door. He quickly opened it and looked around the room for his precious Roma. Then he saw it, a razor a foot a way, the blade covered in blood. Romano in the corner of the room, head in his hands sobbing. Blood running down his wrist.

'_Oh no…'_


	3. Chapter 3

Before I begin I would like to thank everybody who has subscribed, favorited, and reviewed my story. I really appreciate it and didn't think this story would get this much attention. I love you guys :).

On a side note it has come to my attention that the squiggly lines I put to separate the scenes doesn't show up on fan fiction. If you don't know what I'm talking about it's the thing people usually put at the end of Spain's sentences when he's happy. Example: "Oh Roma you're so cute!" So I will put something else so people aren't confused. Thank you once again!

XxXxX

"Roma? You okay in there?" No response. Spain started to get very worried. "Romano?" Still nothing. He waited a couple of seconds longer. "Romano, I'm coming in!" Luckily there wasn't a lock on the door. He quickly opened it and looked around the room for his precious Roma. Then he saw it, a razor a foot a way, the blade covered in blood. Romano in the corner of the room, head in his hands sobbing. Blood running down his wrist.

'_Oh no…'_

"Romano… what have you done…?" Romano's head shot up, looking at a teary eyed Spain.

"I-I'm sorry! It's my fault, it's all my fault!" Romano cried. "This happened because of me!"

'_Romano…'_

"How can you even say that?" Spain whispered. Romano had to strain to hear. "You were raped," -Romano cringed at the word- "and you blame yourself?"

Spain walked over to the corner where Romano was sitting, kicking the bloody razor out of the way while walking. Romano started shaking when Spain neared towards him. Spain sat in front of him and grabbed the cut arm. Romano tried to pull it back but Spain was stronger than him. Spain grabbed a smaller towel off the towel rack and pressed it to the wrist. He didn't care at the moment that it would stain, he would just have to throw it away later.

"Come on, we need to bandage this." Spain said picking Romano up and carrying him to the kitchen, forgetting Romano was clad in only a towel. When they got downstairs into the kitchen Spain sat Romano on the counter. He started rummaging through the cabinets for the first aid kit. Once he found it he turned to the boy who had the small towel pressed to his wrist looking ashamed. Spain removed the towel from his wrist and started pouring hydrogen peroxide on the towel and pressed it back to Romano's wrist. Romano hissed from the stinging sensation. Spain removed the towel and started bandaging the wrist. Once he was done he pulled the wrist up to his lips.

"Don't cut yourself again Roma…" he kissed the boy's wrist. "I hate seeing you putting yourself through hell over something that wasn't your fault."

Romano's eyes widened at the action and his face was dusted with a pink blush.

"B-but, you blame yourself too you bastard!" Romano choked out. That caught Spain by surprise. He was telling Romano not to blame himself, but he was doing the same thing. But it was Spain's fault! If he hadn't left Romano alone this would've never happened!

"L-Let's get you dressed." Spain said. Romano looked down and realized he was wearing only a towel, before he could respond he was picked up again.

"I can walk bastard…" Romano muttered.

"I don't want you to hurt yourself again." Spain said, and that was that.

XxXxX

Romano was in Spain's room dressing. Spain stood outside the hallway waiting.

'_He cut himself…' _Was the thought that kept coming back to his mind. He made a mental note to keep all sharp objects out of Romano's reach.

'_Funny,' _Spain made a sick chuckle to himself, _'He's like a child again…'_

But maybe… -Spain concluded-…he was reverted back to child stature because Spain secretly wanted it. If he had known the things then that he knew now about Romano his childhood would've gone much differently. He would've been spoiled more, called cute more, and even though Romano acted like he hated that Spain knew he secretly needed it. He would've been reminded that Spain cares about him. Romano needed him then, he needs him now.

'_Then it's settled.' _Spain thought to himself. _'This is my second chance to show Romano I care. And I won't waste it.' _

Once Romano was dressed they went downstairs for Spain to make lunch, but as he walked into the living room he finally noticed the mess. Shards of glass, water, and carnations in the corner of a room. He had been too busy carrying Romano to notice. Luckily he hadn't stepped on the glass. Romano looked away, cringing at the sight. This wasn't healthy for Romano, he got raped in this house! He NEEDED to get away. It was time for a vacation.

"You go wait in the kitchen, don't touch anything, Roma okay?"

"S-Si." Spain carried him in and sat him on the chair at the table. He then got the broom and dust pin from the closet and started cleaning up the mess. Once he was done he pulled out his cell phone.

"Buenos tardes Feliciano!" Spain greeted happily. "Might a speak to you for a momento?"

XxXxX

Spain finally got Romano to eat though not much. But hey he was eating, it did help that Spain made pasta with tomato sauce with a side of tomatoes. Romano's favorite. As Spain ate he recalled the conversation he had with Feliciano. It was settled they were staying with him and Germany for a while. He was happy for that, but when the question of why came up that's when the conversation went downhill. Of course Feliciano would've let Romano stay for no reason at all, really he always tried to get Romano to visit. But Romano never wanted to so the sudden want in staying with them was odd. And Spain couldn't lie to Romano's brother about what actually happened. There was crying, on both ends… but Feliciano wouldn't tell Romano he knew. Although Spain wasn't sure how long North Italy would be able to keep the secret. He was a little worried.

Not only that but another issue was coming up.

A World Meeting.

He had gotten the letter a week ago. Now as a country it was mandatory for Spain to attend. But that left the question of what to do with Romano. He could not, no, WOULD NOT leave him alone. But also he couldn't bring Romano with him, France would be there… speaking of which… Spain needed to deal with France, he wouldn't get away with what he had done to Romano drunk or no. He'll come up with something later, for now…

"Roma?" Romano looked up from his partially eaten pasta.

"Hm?"

"How would you like to take a vacation? Get out of the house?" Romano glared at him suspiciously.

"Where?" he asked.

"Your brother's." Spain answered.

"No." Romano said bluntly.

"Romano… we need to get you out of this house, at least for a little bit… it's not healthy… look at you," he picked up Romano's wrist. "You're going to hurt yourself again. You just need to get away…"

Romano's eyes became misty.

"I-I can't… I don't want Feliciano to see me like this, Antonio…" he began to shake, whispering. "He just… can't know what happened…"

Spain felt his heart drop. He told Feliciano when it wasn't his place to tell him.

"Please Romano…" Spain tried. "It's not for my sake, but for yours… you're usually putting yourself first, so why not now?" Spain tried to joke.

"Heh, and look where that got me. Being selfish, acting like a spoiled brat when you left to go to Prussia's instead of getting over myself to tell you I wanted you to myself yesterday... Maybe this is God getting back at me for being selfish…" Romano muttered.

"Qu-Que?" Spain asked. Did Romano just say he wanted Spain to himself..?

"Nothing, I'm not going!" Romano shouted. Spain just stared at him, Romano stared back. Spain looked like a kicked puppy…

'_Damn that bastard…' _Romano thought to himself.

"Damn it fine!" Romano gave in.

"Yay!~ Thank you Romano!~" Spain jumped up and pulled him into a hug. Romano yelped and began thrashing.

"Let me go! Please! Let me go!" Romano screamed. Spain quickly let him go. Romano was shivering but began to calm down. Spain rubbed his back and whispered apologies.

They were getting away. This would give Romano a chance to get better, but what about when they got back? Spain tried not to think about that. He had to remain positive, otherwise he knew he would go insane. He had to stay strong for his Romano. And he would prove just how much he loved him. This would work, it had to.

XxXxX

I know, there wasn't much going on in this chapter but the next one will have more. This one is just setting up chapter 4.

R&R please.


	4. Chapter 4

Romano sat in the passenger's seat of the car while Spain loaded their suitcases in the back. They were driving to the airport. Plane was the better option since if they went by car they would have to go through France to get to Italy. Spain got in the driver's side and looked over at Romano.

"Are you ready?" he asked. Romano merely nodded staring at his lap. Spain frowned and reached over moving a lock of hair out of his face, he flinched and looked over at Spain questioningly only to find the Spaniard giving him a bright smile.

"Hey," Spain said, "Don't worry, it'll be good for both of us. Your brother misses you too, you'll have fun and I'll never leave your side while we're there."

Spain thought he must've been seeing things but at that moment Romano smiled. Or at least partially smiled. That warmed the Spaniard's heart. He started the engine and they began their drive to the airport.

XxXxX

They landed in Italy hours later. Romano had fallen asleep on the plane ride there. Luckily it was quiet considering they rode in first class. Countries always rode in first class even they weren't flying for business purposes. It's just how it was, especially considering South Italy was flying on the plane to Italy. But no one recognized them unless they worked for the government. So Romano had a peaceful sleep, but of course both of them would still be tired when they got to Feliciano's from jetlag. They road a taxi the rest of the way there when they finally reached the younger Italian's it was dark out. But they did leave later in the day so it was to be expected. Romano had changed his mind last minute and so Antonio had to re-convince him to go.

They pulled into the long driveway, got out and began to unload their bags. Feliciano ran out to greet them. He attack hugged his brother. Romano went stiff, Feliciano's eyes went wide when he remembered.

"L-Let me go!" Romano started thrashing and shoved Feliciano. North Italy fell down to the ground, his eyes watery.

"I-I'm sorry fratello!" Feliciano cried. Romano turned around and held on to Spain, shaking. Spain dropped the bags he had been holding and held Romano back. He looked down at Romano and at Feliciano. They both looked like they were about to cry.

"Italy! Are you okay?" Germany came running up and knelt down beside Feliciano.

"S-Si, Doitsu. I-I'm okay." Feliciano shot Spain an apologetic look for forgetting. Spain felt bad for the younger Italian. He always hugged Romano, and though Romano never hugged back he never fought Feliciano when he did. This was the first time Romano ever pushed his brother away.

Germany helped Italy up and cleared his throat.

"We should head inside ja?" and that was the end of this awkward reunion. Spain picked up the bags, Romano kept close to Spain, and Germany and Italy walked hand in hand (much to Romano's dismay). When they stepped inside the smell of pasta filled the air.

"Ve~ We were just making pasta for dinner!~ You're just in time!~" Feliciano said.

"I'll take your bags to your room." Germany said, picking up the bags.

'_We're still sharing a room, even though we're not in Spain's house…' _Romano thought to himself. _'Why?'_

"Fratello!~ Do you want to help me cook?" Feliciano asked his older brother. Romano didn't answer. He was staring off into space.

"F-Fratello?" Feliciano asked worried."Roma?" Spain put his hand on Romano's shoulder, causing the Southern Italian to flinch. Spain could see Feliciano cringed at seeing his brother flinch by just a simple touch.

"D-Do you want to help me cook fratello?~" North Italy said happily trying to play it off.

"Yeah, sure I guess…" Romano said and the two Italians proceeded into the kitchen. Spain sighed and collapsed onto the couch. This was going to be a problem. He knew Feliciano couldn't keep this up, he was already starting to crack and it was a matter of time before he broke down crying. He wished Romano would just tell his brother, but he knew Romano didn't want his brother to worry about him. Everything was complicated.

In the kitchen Feliciano was cutting tomatoes for the pasta, while Romano was stirring the pasta absentmindedly.

'_Why would they put Spain and I in the same room? They have several guest bedrooms.' _Romano thought. _'They always put us in different rooms so why not now?'_

"Fratello?~ I think it's ready." Feliciano said looking over Romano's shoulder, interrupting his thoughts and making him jump.

"Ah! D-Don't do that idiot!" Romano shouted.

"I-I'm sorry Romano!" Feliciano cried and opened his arms to hug him but stopped when he remembered. "Ah… I'll go uh get the others okay?"

"Whatever…" Romano said. Feliciano walked out of the room, and Romano began to feel nervous. Why? He looked around. Oh no… he was alone… He began shaking.

"How long are you planning to keep this up?" Germany asked. Spain looked up to see the man standing before him.

"Keep what up?" Spain asked confused.

"Holding your emotions in… Doitsu and I know it's tearing you apart…" Feliciano replied softly standing at the door way. Romano was down the hall, hopefully not able to hear any of this.

"It is… but really it's not about me. Imagine how he feels…" Spain said. No matter how badly it hurt that his little Roma, the object of all his affection, his world, had been defiled, embarrassed, and scarred, doesn't even compare to how badly Romano hurts experiencing it. Just THINKING about how badly it MIGHT hurt is nothing compared to KNOWING how badly it DOES hurt. Also, he guiltily admits it, not out loud though, is one of the selfish thoughts that first came to his mind: _'I won't be Romano's first…' _And that is another thing that is tearing him apart. Romano gets raped and Spain thinks about his desires.

"Si, but Spain will go crazy if he holds it in!" Feliciano reasoned.

'_Too late.' _Spain thought to himself.

Suddenly a _CRASH _came from the kitchen.

"Romano!" Spain jumped up from the couch, hopped over the coffee tabled and bolted down the hallway to the kitchen. When he got there he saw Romano backed up into a corner again, tears running down his face, shaking. Sadly, this was becoming the norm, but it still hurt Spain to see it every time. He looked over to see a plate broken on the floor. He walked over to Romano and put his hands on either side of the younger's face, using his thumbs to wipe the tears off.

"Shh… it's okay, I'm here Romano, everything's okay…" Spain whispered, trying to calm the southern half nation. Romano choked on more tears and threw his arms around Spain's neck burying his face in the crook between Spain's neck and shoulder.

"Don't leave me Antonio…" Romano whispered. Spain's heart skipped a beat. Romano called him by his human name, and told him not to leave him… He felt a smile coming to his lips until he remembered what he had told Romano in the first place.

"_-I'll never leave your side while we're there." _And yet he had. He had already broken his promise. He had left Romano all alone in this state. He held Romano tighter to him.

"I'm so sorry Romano…" Spain whispered with tears of his own coming to his eyes. He couldn't hold it in much longer. He was slipping, he would either go mental or became an emotional volcano… which would then later lead to him being mental.

"Oh no! Fratello are you okay?" Feliciano asked, running in.

"He's okay, um he just got a little spooked." Spain lied, knowing that they knew the truth.

Because of him. Without Romano's consent.

During dinner Romano had calmed down and began to eat. Though hardly. He seemed mostly out of it through out dinner. Feliciano usually was the one that made sure there was no silence during dinner. He had this amazing ability to quickly chew and swallow his food in a second and continue in conversation. Even when he was the only one talking. But tonight, he was silent, Germany was a silent person, Romano was deep in thought, and Spain was worried about what Romano was thinking about. Which made the dinner very quiet. Awkwardly quiet. Spain wanted to yell, scream. He could tell Feliciano was in the same boat as him. But he wasn't suppose to know, and Spain was suppose to be brave for Romano. So they could only scream on the inside and slowly lose their sanity. If only he knew what was going on in his former henchman's head! But he could probably guess… and if he could read Romano's mind he'd probably break down.

"Well… you and Romano are probably tired from the flight ja?" Germany was surprisingly the one to break the silence. "It'd be best for you two to get some sleep…"

"Ah, yes, it would probably be best…" Spain replied, silently thanking Ludwig. "Let's go Romano. Buenos noches and gracias for letting us stay here for the week."

"Ve~ No problem at all!~" Feliciano said. "Buonanotte!~"

Romano nodded in reply and followed Spain to their room.

'_One room, one bed. They didn't expect one of us to sleep on the floor so why only one room?' _Romano thought. _'Do they think we're… together?'_

"Romano? Do you want to change in the room or the bathroom?" Spain asked.

"I'll… take the bathroom, bastard. I have to wash my face…" Romano muttered stepping in the bathroom and closing the door. He started undressing down to his boxers.

'_But why would they think we're together? We don't act any differently…' _Romano turned and looked in the mirror and immediately thought _'Dirty'_.

"Yeah, cus the only one I've been with is…" Romano's voiced died out as a sob wracked his body. _'France. The only one I've been with is fucking France.'_ He got down on his knees and looked in the cabinet under the sink for a razor. He could claim to take a shower and give his wrist time to stop bleeding. Spain wouldn't suspect a thing. But he looked and looked and found no razors. _'What the hell?' _He thought. Feliciano already stocked up on EVERYTHING when Romano came to visit. Did he just forget? _Forget._

He needed to forget.

His body has been touched only by dirty hands. He was dirty. He needed to forget. He needed something to make him forget… or someone… Romano stood up, why hadn't he thought of it before? He wanted, no, NEEDED love. REAL love. The love that wouldn't hurt him, wouldn't use him. From someone who was always there for him. He needed to forget, and this would make him forget. Having his body touched by another, someone worthy of it will erase the feeling of those dirty hands he keeps remembering. He unlocked the door and stepped out of the bathroom. The room was dark, but he could see his soon to be lover's form under the covers. He quietly stepped over to the bed.

Spain was waiting for Romano to join him, he still hadn't heard the water start running. But his vision was fading with exhaustion. He was slipping into dream land when he heard the door open from the bathroom. His eyes closed. Then he felt movement on the bed, Romano must've been too tired to wash his face. All of a sudden he felt weight on him. A weight of another person. His eyes shot open to see Romano, straddling his hips. His eyes glazed over with lust, his face was red like a tomato.

"Spain…" he moaned. Spain felt his face heat up.

"R-Romano, w-what are you-?"

"Shh…" Romano leaned down and brushed his lips against Spain's. "No talking…"

He pressed his lips to Spain's. The Spaniard felt the Italian's tongue swipe across his bottom lip. He complied by opening his mouth and their tongues entwined, trying to dominate the other which Spain won but had a feeling the Southern Italian let him win. Romano grinded his hips against Spain's, making them both moan into each other's mouths. Spain grabbed Romano's hips and flipped them over to where he was on top and grinded against him again. He began kissing down Romano's neck.

"Antonio… I need you…" Romano whispered. But all of a sudden Spain stopped.

'_No… I can't… I can't do this… not-not while he's in this state. This isn't what he wants…'_

"No Romano…" Spain whispered back. Romano stopped what he was doing and looked at Spain wide eyed.

"W-What?" Romano asked tears coming to his eyes.

"No, Romano… not like this…" Spain said. A tear slid down Romano's face.

"I'm not good enough…?" Romano whispered, beginning to pull away.

"N-No! That's not what I meant Roma-" Spain said reaching towards the Italian only to have his hand slapped away.

"Shut up! I'm not good enough… I'm dirty…" Romano sobbed. "A whore for a drunk French man! That's all I'm good for!" He jumped off the bed and ran out of their room.

"ROMANO!" Spain shouted running after him.

Romano ran down the hallway, his heart pounded in his chest, his chest was heaving, tears were cascading down his face. His vision was blurred, he fell to his knees. Sobs were wracking his body. Too much, this was just too much.

"Fratello!" Feliciano ran down the hallway towards him in his pajamas. "Are you okay?"

Romano couldn't speak right now. He could hardly breath. He heard someone else run up.

"Romano…" it was Spain. "I'm so sorry…"

Feliciano wrapped his arms around his older brother protectively.

"It's okay fratello, you're safe here…!" Feliciano cried. "France can't hurt you anymore…"

Romano froze. Spain cringed.

'_He knew…?' _Romano thought. _'But how…?' _He looked up at Spain.

"You…" Romano whispered. All light that had come back to his eyes since that horrid day was gone. All the trust between Spain and Romano was thrown out the window.

"Romano…" Spain tried walking toward the Southern Italian only to have the boy latch on to his younger brother.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" He shouted as he hid his face in Feliciano's chest. The younger brother pulled him tighter and murmured Italian into his ear to calm him down as he cried.

Spain felt his heart break into a million pieces.


	5. Chapter 5

I thank everybody for your awesome reviews! Honestly I'm surprised I haven't gotten any reviews telling me I suck yet… ^^'

Thank you all for your support! I love you all! 3

XxXxX

'_He knew…?' _Romano thought. _'But how…?' _He looked up at Spain.

"You…" Romano whispered. All light that had come back to his eyes since that horrid day was gone. All the trust between Spain and Romano was thrown out the window.

"Romano…" Spain tried walking toward the Southern Italian only to have the boy latch on to his younger brother.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" He shouted as he hid his face in Feliciano's chest. The younger brother pulled him tighter and murmured Italian into his ear to calm him down as he cried.

Spain felt his heart break into a million pieces.

XxXxX

Romano decided to slept with his older brother in another guest bedroom, leaving Spain alone with his thoughts. It was about 3 AM when the Spaniard had finally given up on trying to fall asleep.

Not only was there too much on his mind and he was feeling to guilty, but he had also gotten use to falling asleep with Romano in his arms. Now the bed felt cold and empty. Of all the thoughts going through his mind one of the thoughts that came back the most was _'How could I?' _Really he should've expected something like this to happen. He didn't ask Romano if it was okay. It was HIS decision who to tell and when to tell them not Spain's… amazing how so much progress can be thrown out the window in one day.

'_Maybe I shouldn't have denied Romano…' _A sudden thought came to Spain's mind. He didn't want to deny Romano… God, he wanted Romano… But this would just be taking advantage of him. Spain knew Romano didn't actually feel that way about him, he was just confused.

'_But you almost did take advantage of him…' _A small voice in his head said. He sighed. _'Maybe I should leave him with Feliciano…'_

Maybe he should… Feliciano would be the better choice now, especially since Romano now officially hated Spain. He'd probably prefer to stay here too. Being with his brother is probably the smart choice.

'_But you don't want to let him go…' _the small voice said. Which was true, Spain didn't want to lose Romano… since when had he become so selfish…?

XxXxX

Spain finally fell asleep about 5 am.

And then woke up 3 hours later.

After another hour of trying to fall asleep again he gave up and got ready for the day. He took a shower, brushed his teeth, got dressed and headed downstairs for breakfast. When he came in he saw Feliciano, asleep at the table and Germany, leaning his head on his head drowsily. Apparently they didn't get much sleep either. But… where was Romano?

"W-where's-" Spain started.

"In the shower." Germany answered.

"But… but someone's suppose to wait outside of the bathroom for him! He'll get scared! You're suppose to stay by his side! What if he gets hurt?" millions of scenarios were playing out in Spain's mind. Suddenly Feliciano's head shot up.

"Oh no! Fratello!" the northern Italian got up and ran off to the bathroom.

Spain wanted to go too… in fact, he wanted to go instead… He was an idiot. A damn idiot tomato bastard. Oh, how he longed to be called that again. How he longed for things to be normal. But they'll never get those days back again. Ever. Because Romano will never be the same. They'll never be the same. Nothing will. The Bad Friends Trio won't be a trio any more. They'll either lose France or lose Spain. All of a sudden Spain realized since this happened Spain hasn't really given any thought to Prussia. His albino friend has no idea that Spain's world is falling apart!

"Spain…" Spain looks up at Germany, the blonde staring down at the table with an unreadable expression.

"Yes?" the Spaniard asks. The German sighs.

"Look, I know Romano may not like me very much…" Germany says lifting a glass of water to his mouth and taking a drink.

"Oh no, he hates you." Spain says, giving an honest smile. Germany chokes on his water at the comment. "Ah! Germany are you okay?"

"J-Ja I'm fine…" Germany said recovering from Spain's bluntness. "A-anyways, I know Romano… strongly dislikes me… but… if I had known… France was capable of doing that to Feliciano's brother… I would've gotten rid of him during World War 2 while I had the chance…" Spain was speechless. Romano and Germany didn't get along. Period. But, Germany would do that for Romano… Which made Spain think… Romano didn't just have Spain to help get through this, he had his brother, and he had Germany. If only Romano could see that…

"Gracias Germany, that means a lot." Spain said smiling. He had never really talked to Germany much until now, he should do that more often. All of a sudden Feliciano ran into the kitchen.

"Romano wants breakfast." he said opening the fridge to pull out last night's left over pasta to heat up. "Doitsu, I'll be eating with fratello in his guest bedroom I hope you don't mind." Germany shook his head no, Spain felt his heart drop into his stomach. Romano didn't even want to be in the same room as Spain…

XxXxX

Spain decided to walk around Florence. Alone. They had decided not to visit the southern half of Italy.

"_It might be kind of depressing… it's been raining… a lot…" _He recalled Feliciano telling him over the phone. It was understandable… the country of Spain hadn't been so sunny lately either… Spain felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out hope filling him. _'Please be Romano, please be Romano…' _he begged. But his spirits were crushed. It wasn't Romano. But on the bright side it was his best friend Prussia. Maybe talking to him to could lift his spirits.

"Hola."

"Du verdammter Arschficker!" Okay, maybe not. Spain held the phone away from his ear as German curse words were thrown his way. When he was sure Prussia was done he tried to speak again.

"What did I do?"

"Why did you fucking tell me you were in Italy? You could've told France and I and we could've all gone to Italy and fucking hung out!" Spain cringed at the thought of France being in Italy with Romano here.

"I don't think that would've been a good idea…" Spain said.

"Warum nicht?" Prussia asked.

"I-I can't tell you… just… don't go anywhere near France okay?"

"No problem there, I haven't heard from him in fucking days!" Prussia said. "I was hoping you had, but it sounds like you two are fighting."

"You could say that…" Spain mumbled.

"…Spain? What's wrong…?" Prussia asked. Spain could hear the concern in his voice.

"I wish I could tell you, but I just can't yet…" if only his friend could read minds. Spain couldn't tell Prussia. But telling someone about Romano is how Spain got into this in the first place. Sleeping alone. Walking around Italy alone.

"…..Is it Romano?" Prussia suddenly asked on the other line. Spain stopped walking, shocked. _'Was it that obvious…?' _

"How-?" Spain began.

"Psh, you're always this way when it comes to Romano kesesese!" He is isn't he? His first concern has always been Romano ever since he took that little boy off Austria's hands. Spoiling him any time he found the opportunity. Always thinking of the boy first. But apparently that stopped when Romano became no longer his. Well Romano was definitely first priority now.

"Si…" Spain murmured. "I made an unforgivable mistake." he wasn't talking about telling Feliciano. He was talking about everything. Not seeing the signs early on, trusting France alone in the house with his Romano despite what he had tried to tell him about his friend, not taking his Roma with him, not even considering his feelings. Everything was his fault. All of it. And now Romano had to pay for it. It wasn't fair, he wished he could erase that day, or even switch places with him, anything.

'_Romano, I wish I could make your pain go away…'_

"Spain?" Prussia interrupted his thoughts. "He'll forgive you. He knows how much of a brainless idiot you can be!" His friend tried to joke. Under usual circumstances Spain would've laughed too.

XxXxX

Another night. Another long, cold, lonely night. Spain looked at the clock. 5 AM. Wonderful.

XxXxX

Romano was fast asleep.

_Laying in a field watching the clouds, about to doze off he got up to walk around, to wake himself up. _

_He got lost in the woods._

'_Romano!' It was Spain, he was looking for him! He ran after the voice. So close. He got even farther in the woods. He called out to Spain but no noise left his throat. He looked around for the Spaniard. The woods was desolate. But he saw out of the corner of his eye a daisy. A snow white daisy. He felt the urge to touch it, just once. He walked over to it and got down on his knees and reached towards the flower. Right as he was a mere inches from the daisy a lily came out of the ground and wrapped around the daisy. Like a weed. Suffocating it, the daisy turned black and limp. Dead. Romano was stuck in place, with fear._

'_Romano…' that wasn't Spain… Romano turned around to see France walking towards him from the shadows, a sultry smirk ever present on that damn face._

'_No… No, please no!' Romano cried. He couldn't call out to Spain before why could he talk now? France shoved him against a tree and pressed his lips to the brunette's neck._

'_No!-'_

'_-Stop!'_

"No!" Romano shouted in his sleep and began thrashing, kicking Feliciano out of the bed.

"Romano! Wake up!" Feliciano grabbed his older brother and shook him. The Southern Italian's eyes shot open.

"AAAHH! DON'T TOUCH ME!" Romano screamed hitting and kicking to try and get out of his younger brother's hold. Feliciano let go and ran out of Romano's sight. He heard his brother shout down the hall. But his words didn't reach Romano's ears.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! JUST PLEASE LEAVE ME ALO-" suddenly arms wrapped around Romano. He was about to start thrashing again until his mind registered who it was. Soft yet rugged skin, always warm. Always. Smell of tomatoes, soil, churros. Spain. He immediately relaxed.

"Romano… it's okay, I'm here…" he whispered into the younger's ear.

"Antonio…" Romano turned around and hugged the Spaniard and cried into his chest. Spain slowly lowered them onto the bed and threw the covers over them. He rubbed Romano's back while he cried.

"Did you have a nightmare Roma…?" Spain asked. Romano was silent. Spain ran his fingers through the Italian's hair careful to avoid the curl. Feliciano left the room. Probably went to Ludwig after seeing everything was under control.

"You saved me…" he heard him whisper. He looked down at Romano. HIS Romano.

"I… saved you…?" Spain asked just to make sure. He only got a nod in response.

"Romano…" he held on to the boy tighter.

"Please don't ever leave me Antonio…" Not for the world…

"I swear I'll never leave you Romano…" Spain smiled and kissed the top of the Italian's head. He got no response. He guessed Romano had fallen asleep. The Spaniard closed his eyes and let sleep overtake him.

"Ti amo…"

Spain's eyes shot open.

"Q-Que?" Spain asked, looking down at him.

But the boy had already fallen asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Okay everyone, FOR NOW the angst is over. Time for some Spamano! Yay! Yay… Anyways… Thank you for the reviews! I love you guys and I'm so glad you like my story.

XxXxX

"Romano…" he held on to the boy tighter.

"Please don't ever leave me Antonio…" Not for the world…

"I swear I'll never leave you Romano…" Spain smiled and kissed the top of the Italian's head. He got no response. He guessed Romano had fallen asleep. The Spaniard closed his eyes and let sleep overtake him.

"Ti amo…"

Spain's eyes shot open.

"Q-Que?" Spain asked, looking down at him.

But the boy had already fallen asleep

XxXxX

The rest of the week went much easier for the pair. Spain and Romano walked around Florence which was a lot more fun for Spain with the Southern Italian there with him. Although Romano for the most part kept his head down and stayed close to Spain. But, Romano was out and that's all that matters (besides the fact Spain got to hold his hand). And quite a few times the half nation actually smiled. Well, half smiled. But that was a pretty big deal considering everything that had happened in the last month. But alas, they would be having to return to Spain (the location) soon. Their week was almost up and there was a world meeting in a few days and Spain would have to start thinking about what to do with Romano. He can't miss the meeting but can't leave Romano alone. The Italian definitely wasn't going considering France would be there…

But before he could even think about all of this one thought kept coming back to him.

"_Ti amo…"_

Romano had never EVER told Spain he loved him. _EVER_. So maybe he was just sleep talking… but about who…? Because it definitely couldn't be about Spain. Romano didn't love Spain. He knew that.

"Roma?"

"Che cosa?" the Italian asked.

"Um I want to talk about last night… you see, I believe you were talking in your sleep…" Romano went stiff and glared at the ground. "Well… I think you said-"

_CRASH!_

Romano practically leaped into Spain's arms when a man bumped into a street vendor's table causing a vase to come crashing to the ground.

"N-NO! Not again, please!" Romano cried latching on to Spain.

"R-Romano, are you okay?" the Spaniard asked. But then it all came back to him. The vase, the broken vase. Lying on the floor in the living room of his house. Shards of glass, water, and carnations everywhere. "L-Let's get you back Roma…" Spain said while walking off since he was already carrying the Italian.

"I'm sorry Romano…" Spain said. What was he thinking? Romano wouldn't be ready to be around so many people yet. He was barely trusting around his own brother! He was even showing the signs of discomfort. Maybe Spain just wanted to pretend everything was normal again. He prayed for it every night, he just didn't feel he was doing enough for the boy. Even though the 2nd night showed Romano is most comfortable with Antonio, the Spaniard still felt maybe the Southern Italian would be better with his brother. He would learn to trust Feliciano. Antonio wasn't sure why Romano was so quick to trust him but he was sure with a little time Romano would be willing to trust his younger brother as well. Maybe he wanted to stay even. Spain just kept messing up, it was an option to consider.

XxXxX

Once the two got back they laid down on the grass in the back of Feliciano's large house and stared at the clouds. They had not been cloud watching since Romano was a chibi.

"Roma! Look! That one looks like a duck!" Spain exclaimed.

"It doesn't look like anything, bastard…" Romano muttered. Spain simply smiled while continuing to stare up into the sky. Romano had begun to act a little more like himself lately. Hopefully going back to Spain wouldn't be a setback for him. But what if Romano wanted to stay here? He didn't want to over stay their welcome. Although it's not like Feliciano would want them to leave anytime soon especially under these circumstances. But Spain didn't want them to become a nuisance. Or at least he didn't want himself to become a nuisance, Romano could stay as long as he wanted. But he didn't want to leave without Romano…

"Hey Roma…?" Spain asked.

"What is it.. Bastard?" the Italian responded.

"Do… you want to stay here?" There was a pause and honestly Spain was beginning to think Romano was going to say yes. He was getting ready to be disappointed. Romano continued to look up at the sky with a distance expression on his face.

"No…" he finally answered. "I want… to go home…" he said quietly as if embarrassed.

"Home?" Did Romano mean his home in South Italy? Or their home in Spain? Or Spain's home…? Spain wasn't really sure anymore. But he'd love to share…

Romano nodded, looking away with red tinge to his cheeks. "Our home…" he muttered. Spain felt his heart flutter. He smiled, and it felt good to smile like that again. It was a Spain smile. A smile to make the sun come out.

"Oh Romano…" Spain said pulling the boy against him wrapping his arms around his waist. "Te amo…"

It was out before he could think.

Romano went stiff, as did Spain. Romano looked up at the Spaniard, his eyes wide and his face redder than before.

"Ch-Che cosa?" Romano asked. "Did you just say…?"

"Si, Roma… I did." Spain admitted as he pulled the boy tighter. "I have for a long time… I love you Romano, so much. But, please don't be mad at me… if you don't feel the same I won't touch you I swear it. I will still care for you and be here for you. But I understand if you want nothing to do with me now and want to stay here. I'll let you go if that's what you really want." Spain was still going, he couldn't stop now. It was too much for him to stop. "But please don't hate me Roma, because I love you. Te amo mucho. You're everything to me and I never want to lose you or almost lose you again! It hurts, it hurts so much! I can't live with out you Romano, with out you I can't survive. I don't know how I lived before I met you! I love you!"

By the time Spain had finished he was shaking. Romano was too, with tears slipping down his face.

"Oh no… I'm so sorry Romano… I didn't mean to throw all this on you at once… I understand if you don't feel the-"

"Shut up." Romano said finally looking Spain in the eyes.

"Que?" Spain asked worried that he had finally scared Romano off.

"Shut up you damn bastard!" Romano shouted. "You're an idiot!" He sat up. "A God damned idiot! Why are you so fucking dense all the time! Why am I such a coward…?"

"Roma-?" Spain sat up.

"And that's another thing! Why does my heart beat so fucking fast every time you say my name? Why is it when everyone else gave up on me you didn't? Why is it that every time I look in your eyes I feel like the most important person in the damn planet? Damn it! Why? ! How do you not find me repulsive…? Dirty…? I tried to fucking seduce you and you pushed me away! You should hate me now!" Romano was bawling now. "Why me…? I don't know what you even see in me-!" The Southern Italian was interrupted when Spain grabbed him by the shoulders and pressed his lips to the boys. Romano froze in shock, but soon relaxed. He kept his eyes open, somehow afraid if he closes them this moment will disappear. He began to kiss back wrapping his arms around Spain's neck. Spain responded by wrapping his arms around Romano's waist. Romano began to feel his eyes naturally drift shut.

And he let them.

Romano felt the ground come up to meet them. This time it was Spain who asked for entrance, Romano opened his mouth to let him in. There was no battle for dominance this time. Spain took his time to explore and memorize the inside of Romano's mouth. When the need for oxygen became too much they pulled apart. While they caught their breath they stared into each other's eyes. Emerald clashed with Amber.

"Te amo Romano…" Spain whispered. "I always have and always will… Stop blaming yourself for something that wasn't your fault… there's nothing wrong with you. Nothing. You're perfect me amor…"

'_Perfect… he thinks I'm fucking perfect…' _Romano felt more tears come to his eyes.

"You bastard…" Romano cried. "Ti amo… Antonio…"

Romano hid his face in the crook between Spain's neck and shoulder. Spain held onto Romano while he cried. But for the first time in a long time, Romano wasn't crying out of sadness, pain, or anger. For the first time, someone chose him. Someone loved him for him.

And that was what he needed all along.

XxXxX

Did anyone else think of the song Fucking Perfect by P!nk while reading the last bit? I did… that wasn't intentional… Oh just to let you guys know this isn't the end. Oh no, it's far from being over. Sorry…


	7. Chapter 7

So! My friends and I are going to Akon. Most of us are going as Hetalia characters. I'm going as America. Then we have an England, Spain, and Romano. I had our Romano (who is a boy) read my fan fiction with our Spain (who is also a boy) sitting right next to him (They're not gay). It was interesting. Our England who is Sarahmonsoon12 also reads this story and demanded a lemon. I was originally going to have one in this chapter but there were too many pages I had to cut it in half. Sorry. But there will be one next chapter! Yay!

XxXxX

"Te amo Romano…" Spain whispered. "I always have and always will… Stop blaming yourself for something that wasn't your fault… there's nothing wrong with you. Nothing. You're perfect me amor…"

'_Perfect… he thinks I'm fucking perfect…' _Romano felt more tears come to his eyes.

"You bastard…" Romano cried. "Ti amo… Antonio…"

Romano hid his face in the crook between Spain's neck and shoulder. Spain held onto Romano while he cried. But for the first time in a long time, Romano wasn't crying out of sadness, pain, or anger. For the first time, someone chose him. Someone loved him for him.

And that was what he needed all along.

XxXxX

Spain woke up at 7 AM and got in the shower to begin his day while Romano slept. Or at least Spain thought he was asleep, but as soon as Romano lost the warmth of Antonio's body he woke up. It had been a month since they left Feliciano's and Spain was getting ready and would soon wake Romano up to do the same. They would then fly to Germany for the World Meeting. Spain had now decided what to do with Romano. He would leave Romano with Prussia. He knew the Southern Italian hated the albino with a passion, but he was Spain's only option right now. Spain stepped out and grabbed a towel to dry off. He hoped today wouldn't end in disaster. Everything was finally working out… wasn't it? Romano actually laughed the other day. Which lead Spain to start thinking that maybe… this might change Romano for the better… but it was a sick thought. And the more Spain thought about it the more he realized that he didn't want Romano to change. He loved Romano the way he was, what if this caused him to act like a completely different person all his life? He wanted Romano to be happy so what was the problem? He was just laughing. Was Spain over thinking this?

He really needed something to distract him from thinking.

He walked out of the bathroom to see Romano already awake sitting on the edge of the bed facing away from him. The Italian was pretty upset when he found out he would be staying with Gilbert while Spain was in the meeting. Antonio knew this probably wasn't a good idea especially considering Prussia still didn't know what happened to Romano, but there was no way he was leaving the boy alone!

"Romano, you should start getting ready." Spain said. "The taxi will be here soon."

The boy turned and glared at the Spaniard but got up anyways. "Whatever." he said walking past Spain into the bathroom.

XxXxX

They arrived in Germany about 3 hours later. After checking into their hotel and unpacking they collapsed onto the bed. A nap sounded great at that point from the jet lag but only having about half an hour before Spain would have to take Romano to Prussia's made it impossible. Spain looked over at Romano who was facing away from him, looking like he had already fallen asleep. Spain reached out and pulled the Italian to him making the younger gasp. The Spaniard wrapped his arm around the boy's waist and nuzzled his nose into his hair. He felt Romano relax. He breathed in through the nose taking in the boys intoxicating smell. He smelt like a spice that Spain couldn't quite put his finger on. Whatever it was it smelt amazing, Spain could stay like this forever. He held Romano tighter to him.

"Te amo, Romano." he mumbled in the boys hair.

"I-I know… bastard." Romano whispered, face going red. Spain smiled, he was lucky he even got Romano to say it to him at least once. Romano turned around to face the Spaniard, wrapping his arms around his neck. Spain felt himself be pulled down to the Italian's lips. Next thing he knew Romano was lying on top of him, their lips pressed together. Romano shoved his tongue into Spain's mouth swiping it against his own tongue. Everything began to heat up, this was dangerous. Spain pulled back facing his head to the side.

"W-We should probably get going, shouldn't leave Prussia waiting!" Romano stopped and looked at him confused. Spain knew his action had hurt him. He rejected Romano again. But it's not like they could do anything in half an hour. Well… maybe they could, but Spain would like to be able to take his time on Romano. The Southern Italian slid off of Spain and sat on the edge of the bed. Spain wanted to do something but he didn't know what. So he just got up to get his shoes back on, and grabbed his wallet and phone.

It was a silent ride to Prussia's. An awkward, tense silence. The air could be cut with a knife. Romano stared down at his lap the whole time, while Spain tried to pay attention to the road. Usually Spain would be talking and joking with the boy while Romano would comment saying things that usually involved words like "bastard" or "damn" or even a combination of the two. Spain was more than ready to get out of the car when they pulled into Germany's driveway. The dogs in the backyard quickly alerted anyone within a 200 yard distance that there was people at the house. Prussia stepped out and waved wildly at them with his trademark grin upon his face. Spain stepped out and waved back grinning as well, he was about to help Romano out of the car when he heard the door slam and saw the Italian walk up next to him with a scowl on his face. He tried smiling at the boy, but the smile was not returned. But as they started walking Romano took his hand and stayed close.

XxXxX

The World Meeting would start in a couple of minutes and France was still a no show. Germany and North Italy stayed close to Spain to make sure there would be no problems when France did finally make an appearance. But now everyone was beginning to take their seats.

'_Maybe France isn't going to show…' _Spain thought to himself as he turned off his phone. But that's impossible unless the country of France ceased to exist. World Meetings were mandatory, each country had to have at least one representative. Spain looked around the room just to make sure he didn't miss the Frenchman, though he'd be quite hard to miss. He eyes locked with blue ones, but not France's. America. How long had America been staring at him? Spain stared back. The American's usually care free glow in his eyes was replaced with a serious dullness to them. America finally broke away from the gaze when England walked up to him and began talking. Spain felt himself relax until he saw America mutter something to the Englishman, which caused England to glance his way.

'_What the hell?' _Spain thought to himself. He heard the door to the meeting room close.

"Ah, sorry I'm late mon amis, I seem to have over slept." Spain cringed. France was here. He took his seat right across from Spain. Antonio also couldn't help but notice that America chose to sat in the middle of England and France, that was new. Oh well. If he got distracted he'd lose all self control he was trying to keep and leap across the table to strangle the Frenchman. He wasn't listening to a word Germany was saying. But then again half of the people there weren't either. He just chose to stare at France, well, not chose, honestly he didn't want to look at him. He could feel anger and disgust bubbling up inside him but he could not for the life of him look away. France had been paying attention to Germany or at least faking it, but then turned to look at Spain. They locked eyes like Spain had with America earlier. Spain glared at him, France's eyes were void of all emotion. France attempted to smile, but that only earned him a scowl from the Spaniard in return.

'_Control yourself, at least wait till break time…' _Spain thought to himself.

Time seemed to drag on. Spain was at his limit when Switzerland finished speaking and Germany stood up.

"At this time we shall take a lunch break, be back in an hour." The countries began standing up and stretching, a few woke up from sleeping during the speeches. Spain stood up and began walking towards the Frenchman. France seemed to be waiting for him.

"Spain." France said in a way of greeting. And it was in that moment Spain realized he hadn't thought of anything to say to Francis.

"W-Why are you here France?" France turned to face him and lightly smiled.

"I am a country oui? Therefore I have to go to the meetings." And France had the gull to laugh.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Spain asked. France looked confused.

"Tell you what? That I'm a country?"

"No! That you were lusting after my Roma!" Spain said balling his hands into fists. France got a slightly hurt expression on his face.

"Spain… I am very sorry about that. I was drunk and you know how I get when I drink…" he said.

"That's no excuse! Do you have any idea what you've done to him? !" Spain yelled.

"I get it, but sadly he is not the first person I've come on to. But I can't help it. Don't tell me you've never thought about touching the boy." France smiled.

The smack of flesh against flesh could be heard from the room.

France fell to the ground a bruise on his face. He could taste blood in his mouth.

"Mierda polla!" Spain yelled. He jumped on France about to land another blow when two pairs of hands grabbed him and pulled him back.

"Let me go!" he screamed.

"Dude, calm down! Breath!" Spain heard on his right. He eventually stopped fighting and took a breath to calm himself while France ran off. Spain turned around to see America and Germany.

"Why did you stop me? !" Spain yelled.

"Not during a meeting dude. Another time maybe." America said. Germany glowered at both of them.

"Spain, I think it'd be best for you to go check on Romano." Germany said.

"But I'll be late for the meeting." Spain tried to reason.

"That's okay, just come back tomorrow. Take the rest of today off."

"O-Okay…" Spain muttered. He'd better tell Prussia. He pulled out his phone and waited for it to turn on. He felt it vibrate in his hand and he looked down.

**12 Missed Calls**

What? He looked to see who had called him. Fear rising in the pit of his stomach. All from Prussia. Shit. Spain clicked on the call back. It only took 1 ring for him to answer.

"Hello?" Spain asked.

"Get over here NOW." was all the Prussian said.

XxXxX

Drama! R&R please!

Lemon in Chapter 8 I promise!


	8. Chapter 8

Well hey! Did y'all miss me? :D don't answer that cus I know you did. Hahaha… Anyways! I'd like to thank all of my reviewers, subscribers, favoriters (y'all get a special word too! :D), and readers! THANK YOU! Also, a special thanks to Scarlet daydreamer for uh… "encouraging" (threatening) me to finish this chapter! There's a lemon by the way! Whoo! Enjoy.

XxXxX

"Spain, I think it'd be best for you to go check on Romano." Germany said.

"But I'll be late for the meeting." Spain tried to reason.

"That's okay, just come back tomorrow. Take the rest of today off."

"O-Okay…" Spain muttered. He'd better tell Prussia. He pulled out his phone and waited for it to turn on. He felt it vibrate in his hand and he looked down.

**12 Missed Calls**

What? He looked to see who had called him. Fear rising in the pit of his stomach. All from Prussia. Shit. Spain clicked on the call back. It only took one ring for him to answer.

"Hello?" Spain asked.

"Get over here NOW." was all the Prussian said.

XxXxX

Antonio sped over to Prussia's and started banging on the door. In mere seconds it swung open and next thing he knew he was slammed against a wall inside the house.

"What the _FUCK_ happened to Romano?" Prussia demanded.

"What is it? Where is he?" Spain questioned. Romano was no where in sight. Nothing bad happened to him right? _Right?_

"He's fine, I think." Prussia said.

"You… _THINK?_"

"All I did was threw my arm around his shoulder and asked what he wanted to do, and he started going bat shit crazy and ran off somewhere!" Prussia yelled.

"You can't have any sudden movements around Romano, especially when it comes to touching him!" Spain explained.

"Are we talking about Romano or a wild animal? !"

"Ah! Lo siento! Lo siento!" Spain apologized. "You see Prussia, Romano… got… attacked…"

"Attacked?"

"Si, Francis… raped him…" Spain muttered, looking at the ground. There was silence. Spain looked back up at Prussia. But his friend only stared back, shocked. Spain could see something in the Prussian die. _'What was that?' _he thought to himself.But that thought was interrupted when Spain was once again slammed against the wall. This was getting tiring.

"And when the hell were you planning on telling me this? !" Prussia shouted. "France is one of my best friends! It'd be nice to know your best friend is a fucking rapist! And didn't you think maybe I'd like to have the little piece of information that I'm baby sitting a rape victim? !" Spain flinched. Of course, why didn't he think about Prussia? His best friend was exposed more to France than anyone, especially drunk. Why wasn't Spain learning to think these things through?

"I-I'm sorry Prussia, I really wasn't thinking…"

"No! You weren't thinking!" Prussia continued, but then softened. "Ugh, this can wait, but I'm not done with you! I'll take you to where Romano is hiding." Prussia let go of Spain's shirt and started walking down the hall as his friend followed. They came walking up to the hallway bathroom. It always seemed to be the bathroom.

"Prussia, you don't have any sharp things in there do you?" Spain asked worried.

"No, lucky for you and Romano, I don't." Prussia replied, glaring at his best friend. But Spain was oblivious to it. He tried turning the handle only to be stopped by the lock.

"Prussia, it's locked!"

"No shit! If it weren't I wouldn't have called you for help now would I?" Spain turned to look at his friend, hurt. Prussia was acting weird, perhaps he was just truly upset Spain didn't tell him. Spain lightly tapped on the door.

"Roma?" Nothing. "Romano, It's me, Antonio! It's okay! Open the door! Por favor!" Spain yelled through the door. Still nothing.

"Prussia, how long has he been-?" Slight rustling behind the door caused the Prussian and the Spaniard to freeze. "Romano? Please open the door! It's okay now, I'm here, you're safe!"

Prussia was about to retort but the door then swung open and Spain was tackled against a wall.

"Y-You damn bastard! W-Why d-did y-y-you leave me?" Romano cried into his shirt. Spain wrapped his arms tightly around the boy. They slowly slid down the wall till Romano was crying in Spain's lap.

"Lo siento, I keep failing you…" Spain whispered. The boy didn't respond, only continued to cry until everything went quiet. Spain looked down to see Romano asleep in his lap, and yet the Italian still had tears stuck in his eye lashes.

'_He's going to run out of tears one of these days…' _Spain thought sadly to himself. Prussia cleared his throat, looking over Romano. Spain noticed Prussia was taking his sweet time in looking at him. Much longer than Spain liked. Some friends he had.

"Prussia…" Spain started warningly. Said Prussian then looked at Spain, with a sad smile.

"I'm sorry… It started a long time ago. I can't help it… but don't worry, the Awesome Me isn't going to try and steal him from you. Like I'd be any competition anyways… besides there's someone else I like." he said grinning. Spain just gaped at him. What? ! When was he planning on telling him this? Spain didn't press though, he'd have to question his friend later. But right now he had to get Romano home.

XxXxX

The ride back was even more awkward than the ride to Prussia's. Spain was just ashamed of himself.

'_I failed him. Again.' _Spain thought to himself as he sat at the edge of the bed staring at the wall.

"Hey, bastard?" Romano tried to get his attention, but he just continued to stare at the wall.

"Spain?"

Still nothing.

"A-Antonio…?" he tried, but to no avail. A couple of minutes went by. Romano sighed and sat on his knees on the bed next to Spain.

This was his only option…

Romano put his hands in a prayer like position then moved them to where the palms were facing Antonio, then put them back into the prayer like position and repeated.

"…You will be happy, fusosososo~, you will be happy, fusosososo~" That got Spain's attention. His head shot up and he looked over at Romano his eyes widened in shock. Yep, he definitely wasn't imagining this!

"R-Romano…" Spain smiled. The Italian stopped and looked at him his face a deep red blush. The Spaniard wrapped his arms around Romano and pulled the boy into his lap. He leaned down to kiss him and Romano responded after a moment of hesitating. Before they knew it the kiss deepened, tongues exploring the others mouths then meeting in the middle to wrap around each other. Spain began to feel heated and pulled back. Both were red faced.

"Antonio…" Romano moaned leaning in for another kiss. Spain wanted Romano. Now.

"_Don't tell me you never thought about touching the boy…"_

Spain froze, was Romano really ready for this? He looked into his lover's eyes: desperate, needy, full of lust, and yet full of love at the same time. Somehow it made Spain feel everything would be okay.

"A-Antonio… make love to me…" Romano whispered. Any doubt left in Spain's mind was now gone. They're lips connect again They both fall back onto the bed Spain breaking the kiss right before afraid he might hurt the boy. He flips them over so Romano is lying on his back. But has he hovers over him he can see the fear flash through the Italian's eyes.

"Romano, before we start just know we can stop when ever you want. I won't be mad and it won't affect how I feel." Spain says trying to comfort him. It's better knowing there's always an exit just in case. It seems to work because Romano is kissing him again. Spain begins to unbutton Romano's shirt while he's distracted. When they pull apart for air Antonio just stares at him. Red faced, hair disheveled, panting, eyes clouded over with lust.

"You're beautiful…" Spain whispers. Romano freezes, eyes going wide. Beautiful. Spain called him beautiful.

"I'm sure you've had others more beautiful than me…" Romano says back. Spain just laughs and shakes his head.

"I've never had anyone Roma," Spain says still laughing. "You're my first."

Romano feels guilt rise up in his chest like vile, he feels the need to vomit. He's Spain's first. That's fucking impossible… and Romano, already had his first. With France. He feels his eyes start to sting as tears come up in them. Spain's smile drops when he sees this.

"Hey, Romano… baby, what's wrong?" he asks.

"W-What's wrong? Are you fucking kidding me? Y-You mean you waited and decide to give it to m-me! A-And I don't even fucking deserve it! F-France was my first! I've had sex! With him! And y-you love me… but I don't even know why! Damn it!" Romano broke down bawling into the older man's chest. Spain held him rubbing his back.

"Romano… this is your first time too." he said. Romano stopped, everything went quiet.

"D-Don't lie to me Spain…"

"I'm not lying Romano!" he held his lover's face in his hands. "Romano, it didn't count. That wasn't sex! That was rape… rape doesn't count. This is your first time to have sex, your first time to make love."

Spain kissed the tears that were already running down Romano's face. Romano just sat there, staring off into space. Spain began to get a little worried.

"Romano?"

"This is my first time…" Romano whispered still staring at nothing in particular.

"Si, Roma, this is your first time." Spain said smiling. Romano just looked at Spain, his eyes watery. But Spain could see the ghost of a smile on his lips. He leaned down to kiss his lover again, at first the Italian was a little hesitant but began kissing back. Spain lifted the boy up to pull off his shirt and began kissing his neck. Romano hummed in pleasure and gasped when Spain bit down. It left a mark high enough to be seen even with a collared shirt. Antonio wanted everyone to know Romano belonged to him. He'd even get Romano pants that said **'PROPERTY OF SPAIN'** on the back to accomplish that goal. The thought made Spain smile, he wanted to laugh but then Romano might think Spain found something funny about the Italian then might not want to do this anymore. He pushed the thought away and continued kissing down his lover's chest to his nipples. He gave the left one a lick and felt Romano's fingers tangle in his hair. He began sucking and nipping at them listening to the boy beneath him giving off gasps and moans in pleasure. After making sure he gave both nipples equal treatment he came back up to lock lips with the other. They moaned into each other's mouths as Spain grinded against the boy's arousal. Spain unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off. He could see Romano staring intently at his chest.

"You can touch me Romano, don't be afraid. I won't hurt you." Spain said smiling. Romano slowly put his shaking hands on the Spaniard's chest running them downward, feeling the soft tan skin under his fingertips. Spain put his hand on the button of Romano's pants.

"May I?" he asked. Romano avoided his gaze but gave a stiff nod. Spain unbuttoned the first button and unzipped the pants, pulling them off and throwing them to some unknown corner of the room. Romano was left only wearing green boxers, Spain involuntarily licked his lips at the sight making Romano stiffen. Spain leaned down to kiss the Italian offering some comfort to the boy. Spain put his hands on the hem of his boxers about to pull them off when Romano grabbed his wrists.

"N-No!"

"Hmm? Por qué no?" Spain asked.

"Y-You first…" Romano whispered. Spain looked confused for a moment, but slowly began to understand what he meant. He unbuttoned, unzipped, and pulled off his pants, then after discarding them somewhere he pulled off his red boxers. He heard a gasp, looking up he saw Romano's face even more red than it was before. Staring right at his member.

"H-How the fuck is that going to fit inside me b-bastard?" Romano asked. Spain felt pretty prideful at that point and couldn't help but smile.

"Don't worry, Roma, it will fit, I will make sure of it." he said leaning down to kiss him. He grabbed the hem of Romano's boxers and began pulling down. The younger lifted his hips so he could completely pull them off. Romano, now completely exposed tried coving himself, looking away in embarrassment.

"Romano, don't cover yourself…" Spain said running his hand along Romano's side. The Italian slowly moved his arms and presented himself to the Spaniard. His eyes widened. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Spain held three fingers up to Romano's mouth. The Italian looked at the Spaniard confused. Antonio chucked.

"Sadly, I didn't see this coming so I don't have any lube Roma…" the boy pouted but took the fingers in his mouth, sure to coat each one thoroughly in saliva. After he was done Spain pulled them out and leaned down to lock lips with the boy. As their tongues joined at a bold tango Romano felt a finger prod at his entrance. He gasped and jumped, clinging to Spain.

"Roma! Baby, it's alright. I need to prepare you." Spain whispered, trying to calm the shaking boy. Soon enough Romano began to calm down. Antonio took this opportunity to press a single finger in. Romano's face scrunched in discomfort, Spain frowned. There had to be some way to make this experience better for his lover. Then, he spotted the single piece twitching piece of hair jutting out from the right side of the Italian's head. Antonio then got an idea. He reached up with his other hand and grabbed onto the curl.

"Ch-CHI-!" Romano gasped, as his back arched and took more of Antonio's finger inside him. The Spaniard smiled to himself as he rubbed the curl.

"Ch-Chigi!" Romano moaned. Spain loved when he made those noises. Even when he was angry. It was adorable. He entered a second finger and began scissoring, he leaned down and took the curl into his mouth.

"CHIGI! OH FUCK! CHIGI!" Romano cried out. Antonio saw this as the perfect opportunity to enter his third finger. Perhaps he was going too quickly? He couldn't stop now though, he was too far gone. He released the curl from his mouth and as Romano came down from his erogenous high he began to realize Spain had all three fingers inside him.

"W-When did you…?"

"While you were preoccupied." Spain said smiling. Romano was about to make an irritated remark but all of a sudden a spark shot all through out his body causing him to gasp and arch his hips. Spain smiled when he knew he found Romano's prostate. He pulled his fingers out and looked his lover in the eyes.

"Romano, I'm going to enter you know okay?" he said. Romano's eyes held fear and anxiety, but also trust and love as he nodded giving Spain the go ahead.

Spain positioned himself, while Romano closed his eyes and gripped the comforter beneath him. Antonio slowly started to enter him. Heat began to surround Antonio's member. "Ah.. So tight…" he involuntarily muttered.

"_Ah, you're a virgin… so tight…"_

Romano's eyes shot open. Crying out, he started pulling away.

"No! No! Please-!" He started.

"Romano!" Spain grabbed the Italian and held him to his chest. "It's okay, it's just me. Antonio. I won't hurt you, you're okay…" he whispered. Romano hid his face in Antonio's chest and tried to remain calm. He soon began to relax, but felt ashamed. He laid back down on his back and stared up at Antonio.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered back. Antonio smiled at him.

"I understand Roma… but keep your eyes open, it'll help. Look only at me..."

'_Think of only me…'_

Antonio entered him once again.

They looked into each other's eyes as they became completely connected.

"Ti amo.." Romano whispered.

"Te amo." Spain whispered back. He stayed that way for a little bit, not only for Romano to adjust, but to give his mind time to comprehend the fact that this was actually happening. This would be marked as the best day of his life, the second was when Romano accepted his love, and the third: taking South Italy from Austria as his colony.

A shift underneath him snapped Antonio out of his thoughts.

"M-Move, idiot." The Italian said. Antonio smiled, good old Romano.

He pulled out and slowly went back in, he started a steady slow rhythm careful not to hurt his love. Romano was trying his best to keep his eyes open, but the pain was making him feel like he was going to split in half. Why must it always hurt? Although it being with Spain made it bearable, even a bit enjoyable. That's all he could take pleasure in, the fact that it was Antonio Fernandez inside him. Although that fact was getting much more pleasurable. Even to where the pleasure began to out weigh the pain. Now that he thought about it the pain that felt like it would tear him in half had subsided to a dull ache. He needed more, he needed it faster, deeper, he needed the friction, that perfect friction that only Spain was able to provide. He hadn't realized how vocal he was being during all of this, and Antonio had began to pick up speed. Going deeper inside the Italian. He brushed against his prostate sending a jolt of electricity through out Romano's body. He cried out Antonio's name, nails digging into the Spaniards back. But Spain didn't mind. He was probably going to leave bruises on Romano's hips from where he was grabbing. He positioned himself to hit that sweet spot dead on repeatedly.

"FUCK! A-ANTONIO!" Romano cried out as he came. Antonio continued to thrust into Romano's abused entrance until he found himself slipping over the edge as well.

"R-Romano…" he whispered as he released inside the Italian. Exhaustion overcame him, he fell onto his side, and pulled Romano into his arms.

"Te amo mucho…" Spain said pulling the covers over them.

"Ti amo troppo…" Romano muttered already half asleep.

XxXxX

You guys know the song Untouched by The Veronicas? It was made a while ago but I still love it. It's such a Spamano song. I always thought that but then one day while listening to it during the part where it goes "Want it more-amore-amore!" I was like "OMG" Because it sounds like they're saying amor which obviously is love in Spanish so I was freaking out. Anyways, I'm rambling, just thought I'd share that with all of you.

R&R!


	9. Chapter 9

I am so sorry it's taken me so long to update! I started reading Hunger Games, I had finals, drama, crazy excuses like that. Anyways, so I've been calling South Italy, Romano this whole time but I've been reading a lot of fan fictions where he goes by Lovino and I'm starting to like that name more… oh well, too late now. I'll call him Lovino my next story. Well, onwards!

XxXxX

Spain stepped out of the shower. After drying off he wrapped up in a towel and walked out of the bathroom. He was greeted with the sight of Romano, dressing up for the meeting. _What?_

"Roma? What are you doing?"

"Getting dressed."

"Por que?" he asked the Italian.

"I'm going with you." said Italian responded.

"Wh-What?" No way in hell was Romano going with him! There was no way he would allow him to be in the same room as France! "No Romano, you can't go!"

His lover scowled at him. "You can't tell me what to do." he responded simply. Spain gaped at the boy, was he serious? Why was he acting like this?

Romano looked down at his hands, they were shaking. "I… I have to do this…" he whispered. This could turn out REALLY bad, but it was a step forward. Besides, it's not like Spain could would get his way in the matter. He never got his way.

He grabbed Romano by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes.

"I'll let you go, but SWEAR you'll stay close to me and if you start feeling nervous you'll tell me." The Italian avoided his gaze but still gave a stiff nod in return.

XxXxX

When they first walked into the conference room everyone was smiling and laughing. They were all enjoying their separate conversations, until Feliciano noticed Spain and Romano walk into the room.

"Oh, fratello!" The Northern Italian said surprised. Pretty soon the whole room went quiet.

'_Huh, I wonder what's wrong with them?' _Spain thought to himself. He looked over at America suspiciously, but the blonde merely shrugged his shoulders. It's like all the countries knew something was wrong. The air was incredibly tense and France wasn't even in the room yet. Spain snuck a glace at Romano, his eyes were widened and he looked ready to bolt. The Iberian had to do something. He grabbed Romano by the shoulders and pressed a kiss to his lips. The Italian's eyes widened even more (was that even possible?) as a blush spread across his face. He pushed Spain away.

"Y-YOU BASTARD!" Romano yelled as he sent punches at Spain's chest repeatedly. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?"

And Spain just had to laugh, because this reaction was just so… Romano. Everyone calmed down. They all either went back to their conversations or started laughing at the two. Hungary and Japan started talking excitedly to each other about this new development. Eventually everyone got to their seats, Romano refused to look at Spain but still kept hold of his hand. Suddenly he flinched at the meeting door being shut. He then began shaking, his breathing became labored and Spain knew exactly why.

This time the Frenchmen didn't announce his arrival, or apologize for being almost late again. He walked quietly over to his seat, staring at the ground on his way over. When he finally sat he looked over at Spain. His eyes widened when he saw Romano sitting next to him. Romano stared down at the table trying to calm himself but with much difficulty. Spain squeezed his hand and ran his thumb along the back of it trying to comfort him. Romano gave a gentle squeeze in return but refused to look up.

At least he was even here in the first place. It's been quite a journey since the horrible event happened, and Spain was surprised he ended being exactly what Romano needed. But he was happy for that. It seemed selfish, but Spain figured it was okay to be selfish every once in a while. He wants to be all Romano needed, all he wanted. And even though it took a horrific turn of events to do it, Romano was finally his. But he would never put the Italian in a position to be hurt again.

Break time came around and was spent in the bathroom trying to calm Romano down.

"B-Bastard, don't even talk to me. I'm still fucking pissed about you k-kissing me in front of everyone." Romano growled at Spain. Well, Spain really had no response to that. The fact that Romano seemed more worried about that than the presence of the Frenchmen was in itself a good sign. Although he was probably just choosing not to voice his true concerns, which was sadly normal for him. Spain looked down at the Italian and realized that the boy was waiting for a response.

"Lo siento, Roma, I was just so excited I wanted everyone to see that you're finally mine!" he said smiling. He was expecting Romano to blush profusely and stutter, probably about him being a bastard and about him saying stupid cheesy things but the Italian just continued to glare. Romano was definitely on edge today. For obvious reasons of course, but did Spain do something wrong to make Romano act like this towards him?

XxXxX

The countries began to exit the conference room, the meeting was FINALLY over. Luckily and surprisingly it went off without a hitch, well minus what usually went on during the meetings like the fact they got nothing accomplished. But there was no real drama and that's all that mattered. They could finally go home back to Spain.

"Spain!" Said country turned around and saw Belgium. He smiled and let go of Romano's hand to run up to her and say hi. Romano stood there and watched them chatting happily, until a hand came around the corner and grabbed him.

Romano was pulled swiftly back into the conference room with a hand over his mouth to cover the sound of his muffled screams. He was turned around by those hands, only to find out they belonged to the one person he never wanted to run into again, especially alone. France.

Romano was frozen to the spot. He wasn't shaking, although his breathing did pick up rapidly. But he couldn't even scream. France had him by the shoulders, backed up against the wall. France's lips began moving and it took Romano a while to put words to them.

"…just want to talk…" the Frenchman said.

'_He just wants… to talk…?' _Romano didn't respond, didn't even move. But France took this as a sign to continue.

"Désolé," He said. "I took advantage of you for sex. You do not deserve that. I'm so sorry…"

He looked like he meant it, but for some reason that made fear, confusion, and anger begin to bubble over in Romano's mind. His body began to respond on it's own accord. It began shaking but only with anger. He punch France in the face, then head butted him in the stomach. Promptly causing the Frenchman to fall onto the floor in pain. But Romano didn't feel satisfied.

'_Maybe I should just rape HIM!' _he thought to himself as he began walking towards Francis.

"ROMANO!" the Southern Italian froze. He could hear Spain calling his name, looking for him. Scared out of his wits. The bastard. But it seemed to bring him back. He looked down at the blond on the floor. Francis was merely looking at him confused, his expression still slightly pained. It started to remind Romano of himself…

Lying on the floor, confused, in pain, cold, broken that seemed beyond repair at the time. Until he felt warm arms wrap around him. It was as if the whole world stopped when he was in that safe cocoon of his. It took a while but he healed in Spain's arms, and right now that was the only place he wanted to be.

But first, he had to finish this. Once and for all. He held out his hand for France. Said Frenchman looked at it, as if studying it to see if this was a trick of some kind. After a while he finally decided it was safe and took it. Once he was up, Romano stared at the ground, trying to choose his words carefully. Finally he took a breath and looked France in the eyes.

"I will never trust you. I don't think we can ever be friends, not like we ever could be before. And I swear to God if you hurt anyone like you hurt me…" his voice began to break, he decided to move on and finish before he decided he couldn't. "But, I forgive you."

He had to forgive him, to be able to move on with his life. And he felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Although it definitely didn't mean everything was fine now. In fact he had a LONG ways to go from here. But now it would be easier. Much easier.

"Thank you." was all France said. The sound of the door slamming open made the pair jump and look over to see Spain in the doorway. Ready to murder someone. Most likely the blonde. He was about to speak but stopped when he saw Romano's expression. He was smiling. A REAL smile. And the inner turmoil Spain could usually see in his eyes was hardly there. Finally the Italian spoke up.

"I'm fine, you idiot, now come on. Let's go home." He said grabbing the Spaniards hand and leading him out of the conference room.

XxXxX

There will only be one chapter after this one. And it's more like an epilogue.


	10. Chapter 10

I am so sorry. This took WAY longer than it should've. I'd like to say I had some excuse as to why this took so long but… I really don't have any. Every day I was like "Oh my God, I REALLY need to finish the last chapter… yeah…" then I would lose focus… again: I'm sorry. But as I was finishing this, I began to realize that maybe the reason it took me so long to finish was because I don't want to finish this. This is my first fan fiction! It's like my baby. And now it's over! :'( *sigh* well I'll let you guys get to the story now.

XxXxX

The sun shined down as two figures could be seen picking ripe red fruit in a field. It was their favorite season. Tomato season. It had been five months since Romano had forgiven France. Since then Spain and France could talk to each other without something horrible happening, they would probably never be friends again though. Luckily, there were few people who knew what actually happened.

"Ah! What a great turn out this year!~" Spain said happily. "We could eat tomatoes for every meal this week and _still _have enough for when your brother and Germany visit~!"

"Yeah, hopefully when Potato Bastard tastes the cooking he'll know good food from that German shit." Romano muttered, but he had a small smile on his face. He had also unknowingly complemented Spain's cooking. He was probably just in a really good mood from the tomato picking. Nonetheless it brought a giant grin to Antonio's face. They had been out there for hours, they always lost track of time out in the huge field of tomatoes. During their breaks, they would lay out in the middle of the tomato maze and feast on a few of the delicious red fruits. Spain would try and kiss the Southern Italian. The latter would sometimes reject him, which then led to a game of chase. Romano always running away and Spain chasing him.

Romano would start laughing, which was one of the two reasons Spain loved this game. The second: the Spaniard always won. Sometimes Romano would give in. This was not one of those times. The Italian was certainly one of the best at running away, but Spain wasn't one to give up easily. After a couple of minutes of cat and mouse the Spaniard finally caught up to the Italian. Antonio grabbed his wrist and pulled Romano to him. Romano slammed into him causing the pair to topple backwards. Romano yelped at the impact, even though the fall was softened by the Spaniard beneath him who was currently trying to catch his breath.

"Heh, you sure are getting old." Romano said smirking at him. Spain pouted.

"Not fair, Roma. I've just been around a long time!"

"Pedophile." Romano muttered resting his chin on Spain's chest. This was one of the moments Romano let his guard down… mostly. When they were alone.

"Hey, I'm not a pedophile! You're of age." Antonio said chuckling. Romano came back up and pressed a chaste kiss to the Spaniard's lips. But Spain would have that, he put his hand on the back of the Italian's head and pushed it back down for a longer kiss. Romano moaned into the kiss and Antonio couldn't help but smile. When they came apart Romano sighed and laid his head down on Antonio's chest, while Antonio wrapped his arms around him. Spain won.

They decided to lay there for a while in the sun. They did this often. There would even be times where the pair would take a tent out into the tomato field, and after spending the day picking tomatoes they would retire to the tent. Although they would much rather prefer to sleep outside staring at the stars, if it weren't for the mosquitoes. But it didn't matter to them either way, because they were still together. Granted, there were still nights where Romano would have nightmares and wake up frightened, but Spain was always there for him with open arms ready to comfort the Italian. Some days there would be set backs, but it only meant things were slowly but surely getting better. Of course Romano was still afraid of being alone, but really it just gave Spain an excuse not to leave his former charge's side.

"Hey, bastard, can we go home now? It's hot as fuck out here…" Romano murmured against Spain's chest.

"Yeah, let's head back. In fact, I even have a surprise for you." Spain said. He had made many calls last night, just to make sure he had ordered enough. He had had some people come and set it up while they were in the tomato field.

Romano raised an eyebrow.

"A surprise?" he asked. "What kind of surprise?"

"Oh, you'll see when we get back home." Spain said grinning. They began their walk back to the house. Romano kept staring at Antonio suspiciously. The Spaniard just continued smiling, leading his Italian lover back to their house.

Once they got there, Spain grabbed the door handle and jiggled it.

"Whoops, looks like I forgot to lock it." he said smiling.

"W-What?" Romano asked worried. Well that was a bad idea. Spain had his moments where it slipped his mind to be careful of what he said and did. But they were both still adjusting.

"Ah, don't worry Romano, I won't let anything hurt you again." Spain said pulling the Italian close. Said Italian was still a little stiff from the earlier statement but then relaxed some what.

"So, what's this surprise, bastard?" Romano muttered.

"It's inside~!" Spain said grinning. He finally opened the door and Romano started to walk in, scowling. But he then froze, eyes widened in shock. Every single flat surface- Every. Single. One.- was covered with baskets, vases, or just strewn out carnations and daisies in a variety of colors.

Romano was speechless. He began shaking, tears coming to his eyes.

"What do you think?" Spain asked. What did Romano think? His mind was completely blank at the moment, still in shock. But finally, something came to mind.

"I… think… this is going to be a pain in the ass to water…" came his always sarcastic response, but a smile- a real smile- graced his lips. Spain noticed this, and also noticed the tears running down the Italian's face. Spain pulled Romano into his arms. Romano wrapped his arms around Spain's waist and buried his face in the man's chest.

"T-Ti amo, Antonio…" came a shaky muffled voice. "Th-thank you… for everything…"

Spain pulled the younger closer to him and nuzzled the top of his head.

"You don't need to thank me, I'd do anything for you Roma," he responded. "Te amo mucho."

They walked into the house, locking the door behind them. Romano wrapped his arms around Antonio's neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Tongues coming together to meet in a passionate dance. Spain picked Romano up, the latter wrapping his legs around the Spaniard's waist and they began to ascend up the stair's to their bedroom.

It would be great to say Romano was completely over it, that France and Spain were friends again, and that Romano was perfectly fine with being alone for a period of time. But none of that was true.

There were times where Romano would randomly begin to shake, and he didn't know why. He got paranoid very easily. He could never be alone for longer than a couple of minutes before he began to get scared. But, he would get better. Spain would never give up, would never leave his lover's side. Romano needed Spain.

And Spain needed Romano.

XxXxX

Well, that's it. I hope you all enjoyed this, I know I did. Thank you everyone who read, reviewed, favorited, and subscribed. You guys are awesome! I can't believed I just finished my very first fan fiction… this couldn't be possible without you guys. Thanks again from the bottom of my heart.

BAYBAY841


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